


Two SuperHeroes Walk Into a Bar...One of Them Says 'Ouch'

by Charli



Series: Incident Codenamed 'Hot Sauce' [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Glory Hole, Hot sauce, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:55:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2407574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charli/pseuds/Charli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a night out with Captain America, Thor discovers hot sauce and glory holes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two SuperHeroes Walk Into a Bar...One of Them Says 'Ouch'

Thor reached out a well-practised arm and pinched the barmaid firmly on her pert ass. She squealed satisfyingly in a suitably startled fashion. The Norse God roared with laughter and shouted “SERVING WENCH, BRING FORTH MORE ALE AND SUCKLING PIGS ON SPIKES.”

“Uh, no pigs thanks.” Said Steve politely, “but we will have a side of the buffalo wings.” He looked at his companion, “Um make that six sides.”

“WINGED BUFFALO?” Thor continued at maximum volume, “WHAT MANNER OF MAGNIFICENT CREATURE ARE THESE? HURRY MAIDEN AND BRING THEM TO ME SO THAT I MAY FEAST.”

“Thor?”

“YES STEVE ROGERS.”

“Could you maybe take it down a decibel or two? We’re drawing stares.”

Steve’s request was met with yet more laughter and a hearty slap on the back. “Tell me young Steve Rogers, has your man flesh yet known the satisfyingly wet love of a good woman.”

Steve took a chug from the frosty beer glass, “I’m not even sure it’s known the unsatisfyingly dry hump of a bad one.” The tips of his ears started to colour slightly.

“And tell me,” Thor was on a roll now, “Are your virginal white ass cheeks yet to be parted by a throbbing hot man flesh sword?”

“What?” The flush was starting to creep up Steve’s neck and his mouth was drying despite the lubrication.

“Have your bowels yet been flooded with the white hot love potion that can only come from turgid man meat?”

Steve coughed, “Any sign of those buffalo wings yet?”

“Clearly you require guidance in the way of the magic sword of Freyr.” Thor raised his glass “If wise be he who wields it, ho!”

Slightly unsure what his next action should be, Steve clanked glasses with his warrior companion and watched as Thor sank another pint.

“I will be more than happy to poke you with my magic sword Steve Rogers.”

Steve choked on his beer and half a pint of froth disappeared up his nostrils. “Changing the subject,” he said, pointedly “Buffalo wings are actually just hot chicken wings.”

“Chicken wings?” Thor looked disappointed, “We will require many more than just six.”

Steve resisted the urge to head desk the sticky peanut shell strewn bar and tried to pretend he was enjoying himself. He cursed Stark under his breath and Stark’s suggestion that the two people least familiar with all the 21st century had to offer went out for a beer together to try and soak up some everyday normality.

Steve thought he was actually handling adapting to this century pretty well. He knew what buffalo wings were, could sent a text message using predictive text and he knew how to behave himself in a sports bar. His companion on the other hand, Steve shot him another look, well at least he was wearing civilian clothing and that was about as close to everyday normal as Thor got.

The six plates of hot wings arrived. Thor grabbed four wings and Steve slapped his hand. “One at a time, you’re not in Asgard now.” He warned.

Thor glowered at him and then daintly picked up one tiny wing in his giant God hand, popped it in his mouth and started crunching, bones and all. “You’re supposed to eat the meat off the bone not…never mind.” Steve nibbled on his own wing as Thor worked his way towards the second plate.

“These are good, small but good.” Thor considered them for a moment, “Could be hotter.”

Steve picked up the small bottle of tabasco and shook it generously over Thor’s next helping “There’s very little that can’t be improved by a good splash of hot sauce.” Steve said sagely.

“Indeed.” Came the happy reply amid the crunching and then, “Steve Rogers tell me, what is “knob cheese” and is it related to “baby gravy”?”

This time Steve allowed his forehead to smack against the bar, Stark…again. Steve had begged the man not to keep teaching Thor words, especially inappropriate, marginally offensive slang terms.

“Thor, not to sound disrespectful, but that’s really not a conversation I want to have while I’m eating, or out in public...or ever."

“I must urinate.” Thor announced.

And as much as Steve did not want to accompany him to the men’s room, he was under strict instructions not to let the god out of his sight. The two men weaved their way to the bathroom and once inside, Steve locked the door. He really didn’t want any mere mortals confronting Thor whilst he had his penis in his hand. Thor had disappeared into a cubicle, and it looked like it was a tight fit. Following his example, Steve walked into the adjoining one and closed the door. Oh for the love of…

“What is this?” Thor pushed his finger through the waist height hole between the cubicles and beckoned at Steve.

“It’s um…” Steve could feel heat rising in his cheeks, “Well let’s just say you really wouldn’t want to put your finger in there.”

The finger withdrew and Thor had a moment of quiet contemplation and before Steve could unbutton his fly or even turn around, the finger had been replaced by the penis of a Norse God.

Steve wanted to cry. “Is this correct?” Thor asked.

“Yes,” He responded drily “You have your penis pushed through a glory hole. Well done Thor, welcome to the wonderful world of cottaging.”

“What happens now?”

Steve coughed and looked at the penis again, “Well I, I mean someone, well one should…” he licked his lips, it really was an attractive penis…as penises went. And just as Captain America was deliberating his next move, the penis was withdrawn.

Thor banged his fist on the partition wall making Steve jump; penis in hand, Steve missed the pan and proceeded to spray pee across the floor. “Dammit Thor!” he snarled as he shook the remaining drips into the bowl in a semi-apologetic gesture “You made me miss.”

“Put your mighty member into the hole, Steve Rogers.” Thor demanded.

Steve felt those prickles of heat rising again at the back of his neck. To give into Thor’s demands, would be against his better judgement, against his common sense however, on the other hand… well the only other hand was actually his, and he was kinda getting bored of it. Clearly the beer was starting to go to his head…which head was debateable but Steve pressed his body up against the partition and tried to stuff his penis into the hole. In his somewhat muzzy state it was a lot like trying to thread a piece of cooked spaghetti through a needle tied to the back of a bee.

The partition was cool against his forehead as Steve leant forward and tried not think about what he looked like, with his jeans around his ankles and his crotch pressed up against a hole in the cubicle. And then, then there was warm breath, hot over the head of his cock and he felt himself starting to stiffen. “Good,” rumbled Thor in the other cubicle, “Now you are standing to attention.”

And the breath was replaced by soft and insistent sucking lips and this must be what heaven felt like, thought Steve and he started to grind his hips, slowly, rhythmically and then, disappointingly, Thor’s mouth withdrew. “A veritable salty treat,” came a delighted voice and then Steve felt something cool splash onto the head of his penis. What was Thor doi…”OH MY GOD!!” screamed Steve in agony and fell backwards into the stall, his cock withering faster than a salted slug. Red dripped from the end of his member. At first Steve thought it was blood, it was only the screaming torment of red hot agony that caused him to realise that the Norse God in the next cubicle had dowsed his bell end with hot sauce.

Thor rushed to Steve’s side, “I have err’d.” he said sadly, “I felt that the addition of hot sauce to your mighty member would improve your experience.”

Pained tears rolled from the corners of Captain America’s eyes, “Clearly not everything can be improved by hot sauce.” He whimpered.

Thor dropped to the ground and proceeded to lick away at Steve’s throbbing cock whilst Steve moaned, caught somewhere almost unbearable between pleasure and pain. Thor was going at Steve’s penis with great gusto, clearly enjoying the Tabasco enhancement and Steve was just about to give the God some hot sauce of his own when they were interrupted by loud and insistent banging on the bathroom door.

“Hey in there! What’s going on? This is the manager, you should know I’ve called the authorities. Open this door immediately.” Came a voice from the other side.  
“Just a moment.” Said Steve in a small shaky voice as Thor skilfully deep throated him.

There was another loud bang and a splintering sound and an Iron Man suited Tony Stark burst through the door just as Steve Rogers, Captain America ejaculated into the surprised face of Thor, the Norse God.

Tony raised his visor, “Well this looks like a bit of a pickle.” He said amused.

Steve immediately turned as red as his sore and newly flaccid penis, Thor was grinning like a mad man as the super hero semen started congealing in his facial scruff.

“I’m shocked at you Cap. Thor, somewhat less so, but Cap, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

Thor tried wiping down his face with his hand “He no longer has it in him Tony Stark, for it is in my beard.”

“Baby gravy beard, nice look.” Said Stark.

“Ahh yes, baby gravy, I see.” Said Thor.

“You know,” said Tony, as Steve fumbled himself back into his trousers and attempted to stand, “I don’t know what’s more disconcerting. That you didn’t include me…or that…wait, why do you have a bottle of sauce?”

Thor opened his mouth to answer, “Don’t.” said Steve, “Just don’t.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “Captain America, you really are hot stuff aren’t you?”

Steve pushed past him and exited the bathroom, he was really starting to miss Hitler.

THE END


End file.
